Auto Pilot

Driving in California is a little different than back home in Wisconsin. I lived in a school zone, so my ususal speed was between 10 and 30mph. That's driveway speed here. There are so many apartment complexes with only one way in and out that there are fewer intersections, lights and crosswalks. That makes possible speed limits of 45-55mph just to get to Home Depot and the corner CVS. So if you move here, practice clamping down on the accelerator without your dog flying into the front seat.

You should also know that motorcycles can drive anywhere they want to. They are not considered the same as cars, like in some places, but more like teenagers on bicycles. Cycles can drive between stopped cars in a traffic jam, or slalom happily past you. If you're not used to looking directly next to yourself when you change lanes, you'll want to start. You may be sharing that lane with some kid on his way to the beach. Look out.

Something they definitely have right is the ability to do U-turns at most intersections. For people like me who are often going in completely the wrong direction, it's a timesaver. Way to go, California! Get with it, rest of the country.

Speaking of going the wrong way, GPS devices cannot be placed on the front windshield so when you cross the border, snap it off and stick it on the side or in your lap or something. Don't talk on the phone while you're doing that, though. Talking on the phone while driving is not allowed. It took me a little bit to get used to that. Ignoring a ringing phone is tough, especially when you you're sitting there alone. Some people loop tiny little devices on their ears, but I haven't worked that out yet. Maybe some nine year old will teach me how.

Speaking also of the GPS. After driving cross country with the lady with the British accent, I can tell you she's hard to dump. I tried changing it up for California so I activated the American man. I couldn't drive more than 15 minutes, I felt so dirty. Somewhere in that box was the little Brit wondering why I dumped her. His voice was not soothing and he sounded a little agitated and agressive. When I didn't turn the way the lady Brit told me, she sounded annoyed but very patiently said "recalculating" when I disobeyed her command. She's back with me again suction cupped onto the side window. If you want to play a good practical joke on someone with a Garmin, change the voice that it's set on. Guaranteed, the brake lights will come on after a couple blocks as they pull over to change it back. Good times.

You can't play "Beat the Pedestrian" like we do back home. You have to stop for walkers, so change your mindset. If you think of every pedestrian as your grandma, it helps. Unless of course you don't like your grandma.

So before you leave on your quest to the west, get to know the rules of the road. Oh, one more thing. People don't honk a lot here. The silence is noticeable, the patience beyond my understanding. If you want to stick out like a sore thumb, scream and wave your arms while your honking at someone to go. Chill, dude. You're in California.